10 Questions Every Woman NEEDS to Know About Men

Welcome to God's Fault n this episode, Comebackking77 is joined by a special guest—his queen, the mother of his children, and the love of his life, Miss Lovely Lee. Together, they dive into a candid and thought-provoking conversation about relationships, marriage, and the dynamics between men and women, especially within the Black community.  

The discussion tackles the ongoing "gender wars," societal pressures, and the impact of cultural narratives on how we view beauty, identity, and partnership. From exploring the historical roots of trauma and traditions to addressing modern-day challenges like social media's influence, beauty standards, and the pursuit of "perfection," this episode is packed with raw insights and real talk.  

Comebackking77 and Miss Lovely Lee also delve into the disconnect between men and women, examining how historical and systemic factors—like slavery, welfare policies, and societal expectations—have shaped relationships today. They share personal experiences from their long-term marriage, offering wisdom on communication, effort, and the importance of self-awareness in building strong connections.  

Things get even deeper as Miss Lovely Lee flips the script, asking Comebackking77 some of the burning questions women have for men, like "Why is it hard for men to talk about their feelings?" and "What do men wish women knew about their struggles?" The answers are honest, unfiltered, and sure to spark reflection.  

This episode is a must-watch for anyone looking to understand the complexities of love, gender roles, and cultural identity in today's world. Whether you're single, married, or somewhere in between, there's something here for everyone.  

 Topics Covered:

• Gender roles and the "gender wars"
• Beauty standards and societal pressures
• Historical trauma and its impact on relationships
• The importance of communication and self-work
• Men's emotional struggles and the need for safe spaces
• Navigating love and partnership in a divided world

Let us know your thoughts in the comments! What’s your take on the gender wars? How do you navigate relationships in today’s culture?  

Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and hit the bell for more real conversations on God's Fall!  

#Relationships #Marriage #GenderRoles #BlackLove #Culture #BeautyStandards #Communication #RealTalk #GodsFault

Transcript

Comebackking77 (00:00)
We back. We here baby. Welcome to God's Fall. We got a special guest visiting us today. The miss, my lovely queen, mother my children.

Help me as they say. Yeah. Hello, hello, hello. Miss Lovely Lee, why you talking like you in the, hello, hello, hello. I know I'm messing with you there. You ain't even on camera, you blushes. That's wild. That's crazy. The folks can't even see you at home when you blushing. What's good, baby? How you feeling? I'm feeling good. Feeling good? Real good. Yeah.

I'm actually really excited. I'm really excited because y'all gotta understand to get this lady to gotta be busy. What you busy doing? Getting that paper? You know it. You know it. You're that paper from me? Where you getting it from? Don't take the mic away from your mouth. You gotta keep talking.

I want them hear you laugh. I want them to hear everything. No, you scared them. No, talk to them. Yeah. So listen people, this is the Mrs. My Queen, Lovely Lee. And she's joining me today because I think it's very important. There's a lot of narratives out there about relationships, marriages in the black community.

just overall roles, you know, between men and women, the gender wars, all these things that's going on in the culture right now. So I wanted to bring on an expert. Yeah, I wanted to bring on an expert. And then she's gonna pick my brain a little bit today. And we'll just come see how this goes, man. Have a little dialogue just to see.

you know, if we could offer anything from our experience. We've been together a long time, many years. Would you say so? Too long. Whoa. That's not giving any confidence to the folks. See, you can't do that. If I can't put you on camera, you got to at least let them hear your reactions. You keep pulling the mic away from you.

Like we in bed, what you doing? Don't pull the bike away. What are you doing? They think you laughing right now. They think I'm bullying you. She's the bully. Never did. Yeah, yeah. But I just thought it would be just a cool idea to actually have a conversation just about

gender roles, know, just men versus women, or just not even men versus women, but we're gonna touch upon, because that's so popular in the culture right now. Would you say, would you agree? So hard to believe. Yeah. I mean, does it come up in your timeline? I know everybody's algorithm is different.

Your timeline might just be full of vacation stuff. don't even know what comes up in your timeline. Vacations, fashion, nails. Nails. Women with no eyebrows. That's crazy. Why do y'all... I can't reach you. No way. Why do y'all shave off your eyebrows and draw new ones? That's what I wanted to know. What part of the game is that? Or take them big lashes that you got to kill because you need more to sing.

I mean, I thank goodness you don't do that. Like, you know, you're very natural beauty. If I might say so myself. Cause I feel everybody is not supposed to be perfect, but everybody wants to be perfect. And if everybody looks the same, it gets kind of boring. You always want to see what's different.

You know? Well, what would be perfect though? Like, I don't know. It's weird you say that because when I like when you just scrolling on Instagram or X now, which might as well be triple X. Everything that you mess around and stay on something too long, you get a whole they know where your eyeballs with they go pump you full of images. But here's the funny thing. Why all to me, all the women look the same.

You know what mean? Like, I really just, it's just kind of weird that if you can buy it out the store, you can look identical to somebody else. You know what I mean? Even to the shade of your skin, the foundation, the makeup and stuff that you wear. I just feel like a lot of females are looking like each other and non females is looking like the females too. They buy the same product. So the more makeup and eyelashes and long weave and stuff I see.

The more like I just, don't know. I just, they don't make me think of beauty. You know what I mean? It's just kind of crazy. Like I think if you can't look beautiful when you just rolled over in the bed in the morning, if you didn't appreciate it that way, you lost already. You know what I'm saying? And I feel you on that. Yeah. So that's why I feel like everybody just wants to look perfect. Perfect is a certain way they advertise. You got to be.

This side, you gotta look like that. You gotta dress like this. Would you say Kim Kardashian is perfect? Like, is she like the perfect look? Is that what they chasing?

That's one of them. That's one of them. think she's like the main culprit now. I don't know. It's just like, it's a lot of different ones is, what I'm saying to you is it's whoever they say the new

person of the year, you know what I mean? The hottest chick on the planet. Right. And then everybody wants to be like that. But then when they go to the next year and everything that you made yourself into, now they're telling you change it and be this way. That's why I sit there and say, everybody, well, not everyone, but those who are running after the fashion of what they should.

look like and be? They want to be perfect. There's is what's that woman named Taylor Swift? Is she the girl? Because like she's like everywhere now in Super Bowl. That's all you get Taylor Swift Taylor Swift. I'm so sick and tired of here this day. And when I'm trying to watch the games, it's crazy. Whenever the Chiefs play is kind of crazy. Like, but I don't feel like I see a lot of women. I think she.

She pulls off a very natural girl next door look. She does. She's not so. it's for certain young girls coming on up who want to be like her. That's what I'm saying. It's just so many out there.

and it's all by certain races is what you. So what you kind of gravitate to. So, yeah. So like all young, all young

girls, melanated children out here, if they look up to Beyonce, now they're looking up to like Megan Thee

But.

But do you think like these girls trying to like Lerilla and Ice Spice and Meg Thee Stallion, Cardi B, that's what the ethnic coaches go after. They go after looking like, you know, well, back in the day, we were calling video vixens, but now they on top. So, you know, they like the elite, you know.

and the whole wave of the BBLs and all that stuff. Everybody got the same shape. That's why I said everybody wants to look, I feel, perfect. Because you got to go get that done to you. Now there's some women out there that don't got to go get anything done. They built like that. Understood. But you can tell it.

Any other ones you can tell who don't. Because when you were like this one day and then you blew up like this the next, you know. Wait, so this is is what's funny. So why why do women who go out and purchase body parts think they deserve men with money? Like where is this trend?

Like, I don't know, I don't even know how to say it like that. Is this like a new trend that like the regular brother don't have a shot anymore because everybody expects you to be a certain standard, a certain height, you know, earn a certain income, certain social status. And, most of these is like trends is kind of being set by rappers, entertainers, celebrities. And like, that's all you see on Instagram is like.

I I could tell you, don't know. Back then, coming on up, yeah, you was able to tell. Now, I don't know anymore because you so many mixture of so many things and people run after so many different genders or.

Whatever it is, you're correct. So I couldn't even tell you anymore because we're all. We don't even know what for those who are trying to find themselves, they don't even know what they want to be. And that's a shame. It truly is. It's sad because, like I said, one day you see them like this and then the next day you see them like that. And it's just like.

Who are you? And then at the end of the day, when things don't go the way they thought in their head it should go, some of them go back to what they used to be because they thought that they should be that way.

And the bad thing about it is you need to know who you are before you make all these changes. Well, I feel like if you know you are, then you wouldn't be your changes will be more health conscious, not vanity conscious, like for vanity sake. You know what I mean? Like if you want to change like me, I'm a big man. wasn't always big, but everything like I do, I try to focus on the health conscious side of things. I'm not.

you know, that's what's more important. But if a woman was a large woman, she might go under the knife if she had the bread and start getting stuff cut away and tucked and doing all that instead of, you know, working at it and learning the discipline to get her body back to natural health where, you know, and she'll just be naturally beautiful in her own eyes, you know, because I mean, at end of the day, you look in the mirror, you have to deal with you.

You're not gonna I mean too much like a lot of people get a like a lot of validation and looking forward through the opinion of others, especially now that social media is like The standard to your value, know what I mean? Like how many likes you get more pictures how much attention you get in your DMS? What type of Men or women what class now it's like like it's like classism within the culture

You know, like if he can't take you on trips and spend bread and do all this stuff on you, then he's not valuable, you know? So it's kind of weird. And it's kind of crazy to me too because the competition with women is, I believe, is even more fierce. don't, I think more women are more desperate to be taken care of versus...

being independent and then those who are independent, the things or the identity they have to take on to be independent, they kind of do it with and kind of lose themselves in that as well and become mad masculine for no reason. You know, because they're trying to take care of themselves. So they take on the energy of like masculine energy to kind of fortify themselves to make the sacrifices and things that they have to do so they don't need a man.

And then they, you know, are so proud that, I don't need a man. But it's like, you're not happy. If you don't, you keep telling you, John, it's like you try to convince yourself you don't need a man. I mean, I think if you live long enough, you understand that you need

I got graded Adam and Eve, so supposedly. So I would feel that way, know. It makes a family.

back to where we were at. Back to where we was at. Why?

What is causing, I don't know what's causing this massive disconnect. What do you think is causing the massive between men and women right now? What would you say that is? What is causing this whole war? I mean, it's always been there. It's always kind of been like, could you have Venus versus Mars, men versus women, forever, you know? So.

But when did that like, why is that such a big deal, especially in our community? I feel like it started when they introduced black women to welfare. When they started saying like, only qualified if that man wasn't in the home. And the government started becoming the man, which was security for them as far as in food, housing and everything else. Cause now you didn't have men.

in the home with the children providing and playing an important society and culture. So they was available for pleasure, attention, but not to build a family off of.

I can see that. mean, to me, I feel like it goes back farther than that. yes. What goes back? How far? would you say? Well, I'm just saying, I mean, the way they broke men back in the day, pulling them out of houses, send them to war, leaving their wife and children or.

selling them into slavery or. Well, yeah, I agree. I agree. They always want to break up the house. Well, I think. One of the things that's really overlooked and, know, you got black history coming up and that's the only time people really start paying attention to black culture, but it's kind of like a cosmetic commercial form of it. So.

I don't think people really understand or really even take time to consider the impact of slavery on households. See, the thing that really bugs me, like every time you meet somebody or have an interaction with somebody, they're always qualifying themselves based on their past, how they was raised, right? Why do you get to do that for one generation? Like I'm like this.

or I don't do this in my household, this, right? But before you got here, your parents was here who had parents and they didn't do this and they didn't do that because they was raised like this. And guess what? Their parents had parents and they didn't do this and they didn't do that. So they don't do this.

So is when you talk about these trauma, like things being passed down traditions, now we just ain't gonna focus on traumas. Let's just say traditions and trauma. But traumas cause traditions. So let's just say beating your children. You know, like in the black community, whipping a child, but that ain't nothing. Why is it so easy for us to whip our children? Because

If the mother didn't whip them children, the slave masters would have beat them to death.

So the mother had to whoop them to show the slave master that she had control of them like he had control of her. Correct.

and then they were just beating the men. you would, so just breaking them, they used to call it ball breaking, buck breaking, I mean, my bad. emasculating them, the strongest men in front of the whole community. So why do you think young men to this day are afraid to be made to look like suckers? You don't think that's tied back to that? The embarrassment of being buck broken?

of looking like a punk that looking soft. Well, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, no, I'm just saying. this is it's a this thing never it's never it's never resolved because you always have now and unless you really challenge your now because of yesterday, nothing's ever going to change. The more you just kind of go along with now, the more these things get unresolved, so to speak.

You know what I mean? So it's kind of crazy. So I think all this ties in, you know, when you're breeding, when you're breeding the people like animals.

just you have men to just sleep in with the women, the strongest men sleeping with the strongest women trying to create the strongest children. You know what I mean? And then they wonder why we got jokers jumping out the gym and running up the field at 20 something miles per hour. The physical specimen of our people is crazy. Genetics.

You know, it's kind of crazy. So anyway, getting on track now coming back. But no, because these things, all these things is directly tied in to, you know, our culture because traumas bring traditions. So the trauma of being beaten by the slave master. Cause parents to have to beat their children to keep them from being beat by the slave masters. Right. So now we have a tradition of parents having to whip their children.

because they don't want the system to destroy them. So they try, that's the way we teach discipline. Right. Until you know better. You know what I mean? For yourself, you know? So it's just kind of, so I feel like there's the same way in relationships, the same way with marriage. Like your human instinct, desire, companionship, love, security and all that. But it was being, families were being stripped apart constantly. And then after that kind of,

settled and ran its course. well, we can't let these people become productive. Let's kind of play the third wheel, step in between them and make her independence so we can take the minds of the children and develop them the way we want to and not let these strong men guide these families to become something. We got to keep them just consuming, just on a level of consumption, not on a level of development. You know what mean? Culturally and socially.

So now we got what we have. You're more appreciated in entertainment than you are anything else. Which is sad. That is sad. That is sad. And then what's a lot of false narratives being fed. we have been divided. We was divided as a nation with politics, religion, all this stuff. Kept men out of the homes. Because men are protectors.

So when you got a man and his wife is headed to the church every Sunday, talking about she's gonna give him the money to the past and this and that. And he goes to the church one time and they look through this man and see that this man is a fraud. And she don't believe him because she so desperately need that spiritual connection. And she believed this man has the gates of heaven. So the husband refused to go there. Now they at odds and now he's a sinner. He's going to hell and da da da. Division.

So as a people, know, this thing, we were designed to fail.

Like, I take our relationship, I think, I say it to this day, we are a hood phenomenon to be married since 1999 for what we both, how we came up and then what we experienced through our own marriage.

Yeah, took a lot. Yeah, I would say it still takes a lot. Mm hmm. It takes effort. Nobody wants to work for anything, though, these days. it takes work. It takes communication.

Definitely. would, yeah, definitely. I think that's one of the biggest things. Like as a nation, we don't know how to communicate. So relationships is even, that's where it starts. It starts individually. I think that's one of the biggest things, like with everything. Everything starts individually. You know, you can't speak to a group of people.

and say, you got to communicate better. And everybody's all in agreement like, yeah, yeah, we're gonna communicate, we're gonna communicate. Then they go home and still be the same. You know what I'm saying? That's crazy to even think like that. Like you have to have a willingness to look at yourself and say, you know what? I fall short in this area. I want to improve. And all that's gonna do is improve the communication and then the relationships around you.

People don't like to work on themselves. That's a fact. I believe that. Now, we've been having these discussions and we're kind of, feel like we kind of being reserved right now because the lights cameras on, but I want to bring you back. So I want to make you as comfortable as possible because I want you to be, you know, I like having you as a guest.

Somebody right now in the comments said, look at him. He trying to get him some lady. That's what he I'm a very bad, I'm always trying to get some. And that needs to stop. It just needs to be given freely and abundantly. So, but you asked some questions that you felt was on the hearts and minds of women about men. I'm a...

I'm gonna make myself available for this episode and kind of see, mean, I'm gonna speak for me. can't speak for all men, but having good men in my corner and brothers and things around me, I think I got a good pulse on the situation. So what's your first question? okay. So first of all, I dropped down some stuff and...

We're going to talk about 10 simple and honest questions women want to ask men. So these questions is burning in the hearts of women across America. Or just the sisters in the hood, is it both? Well.

For those that really want to know, I should say. goes both ways. Okay, okay. So what you got was number one. Let me hear this. Number one is why is it hard for men to talk about their feelings? okay. Why is it hard for men to talk about their feelings? Correct. Because women got memories like an elephant and they always throwing crap back in your face when you share something with them.

They don't know how to let things go. Men do the same. And it's not the simple fact that women are sharing. It's just what I just my first service. know. No, seriously, when you are in a committed relationship and she sees that there are things going on and she comes to you and she really wants to know why is it so hard?

for you to sit down and pour your heart out and explain to her exactly your feelings. Why is it so hard? I think, well, for me, I would probably say now, I don't feel like I'm as bad with this now as I was earlier in our relationship. But for me, I was...

It was ingrained in me that a man took care of his business, right? So there would be times where there was so many things that I was dealing with coming at me all at one time that I didn't have time to think about how I felt about it. I was too busy looking for solutions. And because I didn't have a place to empty it out, I would...

try to mask it and numb it with things. You know what I mean? So that's why you find a lot of men stopping at the bar after work, having drinks, doing this, doing that, because, using distractions or whatever, just because just trying to alleviate the pressure because they know in a couple of more hours they had to face that same day again and still provide, protect and do whatever. So me showing a moment of weakness to the woman that I'm

providing for, but the main issue is that I feel like I can't provide this week or this month. It's just like admitting failure. if I give, and usually if I open up, like men kind of test women. Like, we kind of throw like soft things at you first. So we might be like,

I don't know, we could, don't know anything, something like, something hurts or something. It might just, you know, just, this hurts or something. And then y'all come back with some snarky remark or whatever. It's like, oh, dad. So that was like a little test, like, oh, she really don't care. Cause they usually quit the, get over it, you're a man. So that's what we're used to hearing.

So how are we able to trust you with something that's really causing us pain when we can't trust you with the little things that cause us pain? How are we going to treat, trust you with the bigger things that cause us pain? When at the end of the day, we feel like it's on us to resolve it anyway. So I think that, I mean, for at least for me, that's why I probably didn't really open up in the beginning of my relationship like that, because I couldn't trust you with my pain. So I felt I couldn't trust anybody, not just you, who wasn't you particular. It was,

I was used to suffering in silence anyway, you know, from adolescence up. So I didn't, wasn't like I couldn't, I couldn't lean on anybody's shoulders about it because I had to deal with it anyway as a man. Yeah. So

So basically.

Men needs to feel like they have a safe place to open up. Yeah. Without being judged. Yeah. And I don't know if that's so much just, I think that's an everybody thing too. But I think because of the societal pressure that men get, we kind of double down on it. Like we really need to absolutely know. That's why a lot of men are mama's boys.

because that's the one soft spot that they always had. And even though they might love the woman at their will, she needs him. His mother don't need him. His mother loves him unconditionally. You know, like I don't think there's a lot of men that feel true unconditional love from their partners. You know, or they don't recognize it. You know, because if like you got women right now, they use, you see them.

They'll leave their husband because he got a demotion a job at work got fired You know to me don't know make the money. He's struggling. He's been out of work three months. I can't deal with this. I'm out So I can can you try somebody like that with your heart no But yet you married her you said I'm saying that's

What is something you wish women knew about the struggles men face?

I would say.

Hmm, that's really a good question actually. What is something that you wish you knew, that you wish women knew about the struggles that men face? Ooh, that's, ooh girl, you put me on the spot. That's a good, dang good question.

that we don't need you to.

We need you to be our piece while we are facing these struggles more than our solution.

Like give us a moment to hash it out, you know? Give us, like, I don't think we get enough grace as so, and since we don't have peace out there, to come home and not to have any peace while going through those struggles, you know? Cause these, like, they're not in it. Even if you're doing very well as a man, you're still...

facing those struggles. If there's never rest time outside, we can't afford to be asleep. We can't afford to be content outside. So they're always gonna be there. So it's not like we need you to understand how these struggles make us feel. We just need you to be at peace when we come home from the battle.

That make sense? Yeah, I see that. I can see that. Without making you feel weak. Yeah. I say space to come home to.

Why do some men avoid committing even when they love someone?

Now this is kind of, now I can't really say this relates to me because I've always had that desire to be cared for and loved for because my mother treated me so right for the most part. The only thing that really kind of put a shaky thing in that for me is because

I was sent away early when I was 14. So then I've been on my own since I was 16 and I couldn't live with her again. So that kind of had, I had some resentment issues because of that, you know.

So, hmm. So I had the desire to love, Did you feel like if I make that commitment?

something's going to change and you couldn't deal with the change? Well, just not so much of that. I just think it was, how can I say? I think it was more like it was it was hard for me as a man to trust women because I didn't have a problem getting women.

So since they were so available, it was hard for me to say that this one was just available to me.

It's not yours, it's your turn. You know what I mean? So there was a lot more women that were beautiful or were pretty and cute and all that stuff, but they were so available when they was, it shouldn't have been available. So it just didn't, you know what I mean? It just didn't lead me to think that I can trust a woman.

She like, she just thought of fall with this dude and now she's doing what she doing with me. That's crazy. You know what I mean? So, and she's, and she seemed like she could be the one. So every time you had a glimpse of hope like this, then you find out how she really is. So then it's like kind of hard to put your trust out there. don't think women understand how they look to men. Is that why you think men take for a very long time before they commit?

Like they can be in a relationship for 13 years, 15 years before they even want to put a ring on it to make sure. I think, yeah, I think, I think the average woman shows a guy how much he can't trust her. Like I think a man, I think a man loves a woman first. I think he, I think he loves first and he loves it early. He loves hard. That's why he's there.

And because she don't know how to interpret his love, she's still operating in options mindset. And she don't realize that she's kind of putting off that vibe that she has options. She's not giving me the oil and vibes. Or could it be the other way around? Well, it's going to be perceived like that because they're not communicating. So each person is going to feel like that. from the mayor's perspective, I could speak from.

She's not giving me the all in vibes, like it's you, you alone, and she's not being my piece. So she's stacking up L's for me. Even though I feel the way I feel about her, I'm ready to be all in, but she's giving me signs that say you better not.

Okay, so what if it's the women who show you that they want to be a wife. They're treating you like you are their husband, but still the man does not want to commit.

That's good.

partially of what I just said those reasons partially for that but then also Usually that type of guy to me has It's always a trust issue Because Because he doesn't value himself. So a lot of times he knows how can I put it a Man and know that he his intentions aren't pure, but he don't want to lose

the little bit of good that he has with her. But he don't want to completely ruin her. So he's also he's halfway in halfway out for his own selfish reasons because he wants that good thing close. But he knows that he can't be 100 % what she needs. And a lot of that comes from self worth or value. You know what I mean? So if and then if she's because

A woman's opinion of a man weighs so heavy on him.

That's a cultural thing like you know the things that come out of a woman's mouth to her man Can really make a make a break them? Because we're always measuring up

So since we know that there's other people that meet the standard that you want out there, we don't want us to the sucker, play the fools, and say, you know what, I'm gonna marry you this, this, and this just for you to turn around and me still not meet your expectations that leave me anyway.

I can't, mean, to a certain extent, I can't say that's the whole, what I'm saying is from my perspective, I kind of feel like that's one of the main reasons. And of course other men will either agree or disagree. Yeah. Fight it out in the comments. I want to hear you from, I want to hear from y'all. Let me know. Am I, I'm doing? Read my answers here. What does respect in a relationship mean to you?

that's good. I think like to me, respect is very high. It has to be, it has to be at the top. Like, you know, I know you hear a lot of debates. Would you rather be feared or respected or loved or respected, all these different things. When you respect somebody,

it guides how you treat them.

Yeah. So, that's the thing. So when you're in relationships, relationships are give and take. So if there's no respect for the man.

He can feel it because you're not giving him anything.

You're taking everything, but you're not contributing to him.

So he can tell and then every move he make or whatever, he's getting criticized. You know what I mean? Challenged and everything else. And it's like, well, dad, no. Like, here's the thing that I don't get about couples these days. If, if time has shown that everything I do is to better our family.

then the question is to be, why are you doing that?

question should be, how can I help you? What do you need from me?

Because we always make that you're gonna hit a home run from your choices. But everybody needs room to grow, but we don't give each other grace. You do that when you have respect for somebody, you give them grace.

Like it's okay for people to fail at something miserably As long as they're into like a man is not doesn't want to put his family at jeopardy for his dischoices and decisions that he Not no real men don't do that Selfish people do that Not a real man if you know the ultimate goal he's looking to provide protect grow strengthen. He's not gonna

You don't have to question why he's doing something. You know the reason why already. Because I want us to be secure. I want us to be taken care of. want a future. Right, We're not working for today. We're planning for tomorrow. And I think most women, they just need to be taken care of today. Like, dude, can we eat? You know, is it warm in here?

We're trying to, a man trying to make sure we can eat for the rest of our lives.

You know, including today. Why do some men talk to many women instead of staying with just one? I think that's kind of on piggybacking off the other one. Do you think? Well, I think,

A lot of men.

get bits and pieces from each person they deal with.

You know what I mean? Well, yes, you do. So. If I'm feeling this way, I can go see this one. If I'm done, if I if I'm moving like this today, I can go deal with this. I can do certain things, I could tell this one certain things that I can't tell this one.

Now it could be one, but they have their own things that they're working through, so they're not complete yet. So when you have two incomplete people trying to find completion in others, you always gonna have this kind of musical chairs effect. Because you always gonna be hopping to the next thing. You know, when this situation...

Tired as you're gonna be hopping to the next thing because it's not you never was satisfied But you have to realize and this was more men have to understand about ourselves We have to be whole first

We attract what we put out. Yes. You know, we definitely, we attract what we put out. That's why most married men are become desired so much is because they're putting out stability. And now women like, wait, whoa, he, what? He does what? He's what? Now like, then he lists a little story.

You know what mean? All this stuff. Oh, that's so sweet. Oh my God. I wish my boyfriend did this. Oh my God. You know, a few cocktails later in a backseat. It's a wrap. And you don't get none of that. You're at a moment. You know, you're not getting the stability. You're getting the walk of shame. That he get the walk of triumph.

You know what I mean? So, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it just, it's, it's funny because it makes me stop to think how much, um, I listened to other people talk about their relationships and everything and I don't say anything. Yeah. You've been trying to keep me to yourself. Exactly. That's secret baby. Oh, my DM is about to blow.

Yeah, nah, but I could dig that because And people are shady You know what mean? They always want what they can't have or they always are looking to you know capitalize off of somebody else's Situation, you know what I mean? not that we did that for sure Yeah, vice versa Yeah, we got one in the background paying attention

listening, watching. Mm-hmm. Let you slip once. Oh yeah? Who coming for you? to tell me something? Oh, look. the hell? Piece of trash outside.

just saying. Somebody always think they could do better. Is she fit? Oh, you talking about a dude? Wait, who chasing you? I thought you said I was trying to think. was like, wait a minute, who we talking about? I'm just talking. I want to know who she, what's her name is. Listen, I'm just saying. They're just always, always.

Lurking in the background moving in and before you know it You've been captured Mm-hmm if you don't watch your back Yeah, a lot of people sleepwalk like then these days I can't afford to sleepwalk. I Just can't like and when I see a situation getting weird. I Just like You don't ruin a good thing. know, I mean we was cool. We was kicking and we was cold now you

Yeah. So what does being a real man mean to you? I'm gonna say standing.

Is that mine? it might be mine. Yeah. I'm gonna say, hold on. Repeat the question again. What does being a real man mean to you? Standing on it. Ten toes down, Word. Now, like, I think being true to yourself, like really being like too many people are not true.

to who they are anyway. as a man, you can't afford to do that. As a man, who you are is your base starting level, right? A real man is looking to grow. a real man is a producer. He's not gonna settle for whatever it is that he got going on right now. How can he? If you settle, then you're not prepared for what's next.

and real men stand on a on a code for who they are. Regardless of what, you can take, I don't care what culture you're born in, like what religious background, whatever it is, the men, wherever they are, is gonna stand on principle, they're gonna have a code, and they're gonna have conviction about what they got going on.

and they're not gonna afraid to confront or deal with whatever's opposing them.

Like, it's so crazy because a lot of society try to set the standards for what a man is. And people never really sit back and think men were men before bust down watches and necklaces, stacks of money on Instagram, Benz's and Bentley's. You know what I mean?

You take that same man and you drop him off in the middle of the woods somewhere with a pocket knife. Can he come out 10 miles later, 20 miles later by himself? Will he survive?

You see what I mean? Like, yeah, a man has a certain drive, a survival instinct in us. Like, we are dangerous for a reason, because we need to be dangerous at certain times. Like, you need to know that I'm to play with. Just because I'm smiling and TK-ing with you, that's why men don't argue with men. Like, when you see them dudes that be blah, blah,

and internet and all that stuff, they're not men. They're not men. They might be males, but men, men don't argue with each other because we know it's a risk of escalation that's gonna end it all. And we're always wearing a cross, is this circumstance worth me risking the future and the foundation that I'm building for my legacy? So.

You thinking, he's a punk because he ain't say nothing. I cursed him out. Like, what does that mean? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Because you playing with fire because you never know how somebody is going to respond. That's why, you know, as a man, I I won't even, I'm not arguing with you. I'm not doing, I don't even know you. and you not about to argue. You got it. You do got it. Because if this escalate, one of us might not make it.

And I'm planning on going home. Exactly. So I don't know what to tell you. That's why I'm a smile. Hey, all right now. Yeah, peace, man. You got it. Because I'm good. I'm not tripping. You know, I'm not tripping off of that. I'm trying to get home to my beautiful wife, my beautiful kids, my beautiful grandbabies. I'm trying to enjoy that. know, not even trying. I'm going to enjoy that. know I'm saying? Trying to feel it.

I hear you. So, like, so just being a real man is really being true to who you are, standing on what you say and executing at the highest level that you can.

I just, I just feel like people just, I don't know. I feel like some of them just don't love their life. Well, that's, that's well, now we go back to how we initially started all this off. It comes from self-worth. You know what I mean? You know, we say to each other all the time, nigga, this nigga that right. You nigga, this, my nigga killed this nigga. It's so easy to say kill this nigga.

You're not going to say, kill that good family man. You get what I'm saying? Oh, I'm going to shoot that family man in the face. No, you can shoot that nigga in the face though. Because if you don't value yourself, why would you value anybody else?

And then if you don't value yourself, how you gonna see value in this woman that you want peace from? You want peace from her, but you don't even value who you are, so you can't value who she is.

It's impossible. Yeah. And vice versa.

What is something women often get wrong about men? That we don't care.

They think just because we don't react the way they react about something that we don't care.

And I think that's something that women need to, they need to appreciate that we don't jump on an emotional roller coaster with you.

So then with saying that, then how do you, how does a man let a woman know he does care then without doing that? Because we wanna know that you feel me, that you understand, that you walking with me, that we got this. So if you're not reacting like me,

How do you know? Because we're there, we're present, and we're not going to allow you to do something that's going to jeopardize us because you're emotional over something.

So at the moment that it's happening, we can't jump into those emotions with you. There's been examples. I've seen, what happened? It was a story about a couple, I think it was in Texas. They was at the liquor store. what happened? Like somebody was in there beating on their woman or something. And I guess the girl got all emotional.

said something to the guy who said something to her that says something that made her man have to something to him. At the end of the day, both of the men got shot.

and the girl ended up killing the assailant. Okay. And her man was injured severely. don't even know if he survived or maybe somebody can know the whole story, can validate it in the comments. But um.

because she was emotional and he didn't know what to do. He almost lost his life. And then she was justified in the shooting too. She didn't get charged, pressed on or anything, it was a legal shoot. But it didn't have to happen. If he would have had more control over her.

not as she is subservient, but in the situation like, hey, hey, relax. I know, I know. Let's go, we go to a different store.

We ain't got time for this today. Because that situation, you don't know what's going on with that situation. That's not your business.

That's how we care. continue. Our protection is so continuous, it never shuts off. The only time our protection shuts off is if we jump into our feelings and our emotions and all that stuff with you, then we are both at risk.

both of us. I'm gonna give you a good example of what men do and you're gonna relate with this a lot because this is about you. No, this is about you. So over the past two, two and a half maybe three weeks, what was you craving?

ginger juice. Ginger juice. we went to my boy Tony's Caribbean Paradise. No. So what did I do? What did I do? What was the first thing I did when you said you was craving the ginger juice? You went and tried to make it. I went and tried to make it the very first time. Right. Correct. And didn't even know what I was doing. No. No. Right. And then what did I do? And then you called Tony.

I called Tony, you didn't ask me to do none of this. I called Tony and then what, and then found out what? When he was making it. And then we did what? Went down and bought some. And then we did what again? And went and bought some more. Wait, and then did what again? And went and bought some more. Then what did I do? And then decided to try to make it again. And how much ginger did I buy?

Just about all of it in the store. All of it in the store. And then proceeded to make it and make it and do it and have it. And now we got a refrigerator full of what? Full of ginger juice. That's a man showing that he absolutely cares about what his woman wants.

seem so small, but my mind wouldn't let it go, because I know it's something that you desire.

And I want you to have what you desire if it's within my means to do it. And if it's not my means to do it, I'm a fine means to do it. That's how men show that they care. And that's a beautiful thing. Ain't it though? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So keep the mic to your mouth.

and it wasn't even valid. Do you have more questions to work? Yes. How many more questions you got? Just a couple more, that's all. Why do some men walk away or stop talking when things get hard? Processing.

processing. You know, we're logical. Men think logically. This has been proven scientifically. Men deal with logic. And I'm not saying it's like 100 % thing. It's just a general synapsis of it, But we need time because we already know what we're feeling. So since we know our feelings doesn't matter in any of these situations, our minds

We have to shut down the noise and now we're processing and we're thinking through it. We're thinking logically. One plus one equals two, two plus two equals four. All right, so this, okay. Now that's what we're And the more women try to interrupt that process, it can cause frustrations if his emotions ain't in check yet about the circumstance. Because.

She's not giving them time. She's not being this piece in the moment so that he can do what he need to do to come up with a solution. Even if that means asking for help. Sometimes that might be the last recourse. You know, it's very hard for a man to ask for help. Yeah, I see that. Yeah, it is. Because men won't be strong all the time and don't want to show their weakness. All of the above.

It's not that we don't want to show it. don't, we don't resort to it often because it's not part of our makeup of consistency of being what we, what we know we are. Like a man already knows what he is. He picks up some nonsense along the way. But, um, I like to say everybody has a, um, in the mirror moment, everybody, I don't care who you are. Everybody has moments.

when all the distraction and noise is out the way and they have to look in the mirror and all the things that they're facing on themselves and a lot of men have that moment more often than you would know because they're looking in their cells and like okay who are you what are you doing where am i at what's going on i'm responsible i gotta do something to get out of this

Do they look at it more when?

when they bring a human being in the world? That's a one. does it, or I it definitely, I definitely, I think it amplifies it. Yes. Make them stop. really I think for most men now, for most men have done, that's why it's such a big deal. That's why the reaction is so different between, when a woman finds out she's pregnant and a man finds out she's pregnant.

because the man is calculating what I have, what I don't have, what I can do, what I can't do. He's not, because he knows the commitment that he has to make to this human life coming into this world.

He's not thinking about nothing else. Women want him to react like they feel. So a wise man, while he's processing and doing that, he's trying to reassure his woman like, I'm just as, it's gonna be okay. It's fine. It's all right. We got this. But he's, now I gotta cut off this. gotta stop where I got, you know what mean? That's all it is. Gotcha.

How does your relationship with your dad affect how you love?

Shout out to Jaws, R.I.P. Pop. Love you, mate. Yeah, man. You know I ain't like you forever. That's my pops, though,

initially it made the way my pops was when I was younger with my mom's, it made me want to be the opposite because he wasn't doing well. So,

It kind of, it made me that, but then it kind of made me more of a manipulator too, because it me like a player because now I was overdoing it. know what I mean? Because I would learn how to tell women everything they want to hear or be for them in that moment, everything that they wanted.

So it made me more manipulative when it came to that type of thing. You know, thinking that I'm doing them good by being their fantasy at that moment or whatever, knowing that I don't have any intentions to stick around.

Did you think them going through what they were going through that he did or didn't love your mother as a child? I didn't think he loved anybody.

But as I got older, I understood that he did and that's why it hurt so bad. And that's why he was in that spiral because he didn't have really any control of what was going on with him internally as he believed at the time.

So yeah, it's kind of like I definitely understood my pops to hold that guy because I found myself replicating things that I seen him do.

and it wasn't intentional, but it was deliberate, if that makes sense. It was deliberate because I didn't do anything to keep it from happening. So that means I allowed it to happen. I didn't take control and have self-discipline to myself. And that caused a lot of...

Well, you was there. Was I? Yeah, were you? So what's that situation you talking about earlier? That who? Yeah. Yeah. Let me ask a question, because this is not on my list. OK. Because we talk about love. Do people really know what love is? Because I hear it being thrown around way too much to the point.

It kind of makes me sick because I feel people don't really understand and know what love is. Yeah, think.

I think the older you get, because if it's not shown to you, you discover it later in life. But you have this thing of romanticism, right? And then you have reality. The reality is love is an action word. It's not you saying it. It's what your actions show consistently. Not a demonstration, not an act.

I mean, consecutive, repetitive, consistent, unconsciously conscious actions, if that makes sense. this, like everything that you do for this person is effort in showing them that you care about who they are, what their needs are, where they at, how they feel, all these things. And love is exhausting. So could a person sit there and say, in a week?

I love you. I would be very leery and say that's some BS. I would say that's some BS. Cause, that's to me, that's just like heavy infatuation, which I don't think is wrong to have. Like you want to have infatuations. It's going to come by way of attraction and just really digging that person's energy. Like, I don't want this. I don't want.

this to be out of the presence of this. But the real work comes in is when you're required to give them of yourself versus you're taken from how they make you feel. Everybody wants to get the good feelings. Nobody wants to give the consistency of effort to take care of that other person so that they can give them the good feelings.

So, and that's unconditional, because I'm gonna do for you even when you want my nerd. You know, but now I want to hug. like your clothes is washed. The dishes is clean, right? Because I could have did something else, but I did this because I knew you had to do this and do this. You know what mean? So, you know, I think the...

mass media have did a great job of marketing love as something that it really isn't. So when so many people have that as their understanding of what it is, when they get into real relationships, they don't last because that thing isn't there. And it's just kind of wild, like, and now in like 2025 that people don't understand that yet.

You know, because you got like a lot of young people who haven't had an example of what real love is. You know, the divorce rate is at an all time high. So they don't really get it. You know what mean? They don't really they don't get to see it in action. You know, we're fortunate because our children seeing us go through so many different stages that they have an example of what fighting through.

life and love is. know, your parents provided a good basis for that. they're long, like between them, my auntie and my uncle Pete, those are the two longest marriages that I know. You know what I mean? So, and then us, I don't know anybody, I'll age marriage as long as we are. That's why I say we the hood phenomenon.

That's why I sit there and say, when I hear people just throw it out, I love you this one day and next day I'm off to somebody else. I love them and I'm like, what? A lot of people just in hot lust, you know what mean? And that's what I feel. I feel like more people are in lust and they're running after what they want. And when that person don't give it anymore or

can't fulfill what they want. They move on to the next, but that word love just is crazy. And that's why I feel like how in the world can you sit there and say, love somebody because love, like you said, it is an action word and it makes you work at it. does. Like usually in any relationship.

If you truly love each other, during that time of relationship, each one of you is gonna look crazy and stupid for sticking around. You just will. Because either she is gonna be treating you a certain way and everybody's gonna see it like, why are you still with her? Or he gonna be acting a certain way and everybody's see it, why are you still with him? And you know, it's just, love is an-

it doesn't look good from the outside looking in or at most times because people just see in the current position of where you are instead of what you envisioned you're gonna be. Correct. You know, I sit there and say,

Marriage is not a fantasy. It's a commitment. Yeah. And if both of you guys are committed to take this journey.

up down, round and round. Round and round. Yeah, cause sometimes. round and round, get around. Big attempts, so to help, miss you, dip. Cause I think sometimes.

I feel, you know.

that you will go round around if the same outcome is happening over and over and over again because you're not trying to find a solution. And if you're really in it to win it, then you guys will sit down and communicate and work at it and find every way to make it work. You know what the problem is? There's...

You're like, when you married long-term, you have to survive those landmines of people who come into your life for a second that look like the solution that you was looking from your partner. They're gonna sound exactly like you want them to sound. They're gonna be offering to do exactly what your partner don't wanna do for you. It's gonna seem real like, this is what I've been waiting on.

And that is a BS right there. That's the ultimate okie doke. Which is true. But you know what? I really had to sit back and say to myself, I can do bad all by myself. What do I need another person for? If I'm putting all this work in with you to leave you to do what? To go put more work in with somebody else that I don't even know. Yo, that's real. I would never get married again.

How do I even know? He looks golden, but how do I know when I get with him? That's exactly why, because that's what he told me. Yeah. Those are words. Yeah. It has to be proven. Words. Yeah. That's, and I think a lot of people don't, they don't really consider that. Like, you know, people get married two, three, four times. Like what? What are you looking for? A permanent girlfriend, boyfriend. Because if you

The common denominator is you facts. So if it didn't work after four times, I'm gonna need you to realize it's not them. It's you. think some people just have a strong sense of tradition. So when they meet somebody that they are infatuated with and their mind, the right thing to do is to marry this person. Cause I don't want nobody else at that time. I really feel like that. I mean, I think they really believe they're doing the right thing.

until the rubber meet the road. Oh, the rubber hit the road. That's what my grandfather used to say. When the rubber meet the road, that's when you know it's good. That's when that friction, when the tires heat up, what you got? You got radios on there and you got bike tires on there. you got? Until the wheels falls off, baby. Yeah. So. So let me do this last question. This last question on this. Oh, it's coming to an end. Okay. It's for this.

Lord. Okay. Here. Continue. What is one thing men and women can do to get along better? that's easy. Communicate.

right there in a nutshell. No, seriously. Like I think a lot of people think very highly of themselves and they really feel like they're communicated. But the whole key to communication is if the other person don't understand where you're coming from, then you're failing to communicate. You gotta stop and listen. Yeah, have to. Here's what's crazy when I find about communication.

When you talk to me, it's not like us talking to Junior.

You talk to Julian the way that he can understand what you're saying. We take it personal when we're talking to each other and you're not picking up exactly what I'm saying. Instead of realizing that you are a different person, you're not in my head, you see things through a different lens and I have to find the right words to trigger your understanding for what I'm trying to articulate.

And people, fail to do this every day at work and our relationships with our family members. We just fail to do this. We're so impatient. I know I am an impatient man. Working on it slightly. But that's the one thing I have trying to learn. Like when I, when I noticed friction coming up, I'm like, wait, we're not speaking the same language right now. I'm not even, so I have to figure out.

Wait, me listen again. What's important to her right now? What is she actually telling me? Because you could be telling me.

about gender juice.

But you can really be saying, I don't feel like I'm getting enough attention. You're not focusing on me, you're distracted.

So now my action show, hold on. Let me let you know it's all about you, baby.

this good? You like this? Hold on, let me do this. Let's run this. Now we together. Now we working towards something. Now we building on something. Now you got all the attention in the world.

So, and that takes time. That takes, you have to learn how to do that. You have to plan, you have to want to be available to that other person to communicate. You have to, you have to actually really desire who you with to be able to communicate and to be patient and take time and to interact. Cause you can get so lost in your agenda and your objectives of what you're doing. And then a lot of men that say, well, I'm doing this for us. But you have to learn that be in the moment as well.

So.

I'm giving you a game out here man. Listen, somebody need to buy me a cup of coffee. Donate something. Say your boy some VC for 2K and something. Good lord.

But yeah, that's real. You have something else on your mind?

No, think you, we covered a lot. Yeah, we did touch a lot. We did touch on a lot of things here. I know there's more out there, we'll be back. you got to hold up. Wait a minute. Y'all heard it here first. So wait, you're going to come back and do another episode on me. We're going to have to do a segment. We have to schedule it and make sure we should do this live. We got to do this live so people can ask questions. Be nice. Yeah.

We can do that. type of time, just stream it live, kick it, and see what they have. They're going to eventually want to see you, ma'am.

She's a mystery she's fine now not cuz my wife she fine

I felt like you said that to all the girls. I probably did. I ain't lie to you. I ain't gonna lie to you, but I'm about to say it to the one down, To the right one. You got the right one, baby. Who said that? Who said that? Reach out. You can see a lick. Lord. Yeah. Nah, but nah, I appreciate you hanging out.

taking the time out to do this with me. And listen, hit us up in the comments, follow us on all socials. Instagram, comebackking77, God's Part podcast on Facebook, TikTok, Hustle the Rain, baby. We got a new product coming out real soon. Actually, it's actually really out now, just rebuilding the site.

so yeah, yeah, we got a lot of things going on man podcast delivering to you on all platforms Spotify apple podcasts everywhere you get your podcast is out there and make sure you tune into the youtube shorts little singles. We putting out that music rolling. Yeah, yeah, we're doing our thing man. So, appreciate you hanging out and taking the time to listen to us and

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